I am hardly ever on myspace, but i got an alert i had a message and figured i would go clean out my inbox over there....and low and be hold there is this long fucking email from some looser in my box..... this was just too funny i have to share....
Hi! It just started raining here... Its getting cold as hell! I have to ask you... Have you've dated younger guys before? Well im 31... And here is the next question... Metaphorically speaking do you think im to young for you,? Have you ever dated anyone you've meet online? lol Ummm What do you do for a living? Hey! I have to ask you something? What are the chances that you could have me come out there and cater to you? I would do what ever you wanted me to do for you, including everything and anything you can imagine like (Manuel labor,Cooking,Cleaning,Fixing and repairing anything, This includes Electrical, Plumbing, Framing, Tile, Landscaping, Etc... I am a very good listener and compassionate & comprehensive thinker... I would if you'd like take care of any personal & private issues as well, and even give you intense and very passionate romantic excitement *WINK*WINK* if you desire it of coarse, Full body therapy with neck and feet massages,) Plus i would be getting a job immediately when i got there...That includes fastfood or what ever you have locally to obtain quick employment. I will help take care of any bills you may have. And most important! Listen to you and give you the best companionship you have ever had with a person... I am a Leo and a very Holy person but not excessive in preaching my beliefs. I am a Comedian..Musician that is very easy going. I will protect you and do pretty much anything you tell me to do... I hate California... I cannot stand it here anymore! I am serious! Im not joking... I know how to do many things and have to many skills to name them all off. I just need a mature woman to take care and charge of my life and pretty much tell me what to do and direct me... I know this may be the weirdest letter you may ever receive by a somewhat stranger, but i am in dire need of change in my life and i have little to no direction here in my current situation and environment , Plus i go by my 6th sense and that's why im writing this to you. I have not ever wrote anything like this to anyone. Age is just a number... I would be willing to do anything for you... Please write me back and tell me how you feel about what i just wrote you and im not trying to creep you out or be a weirdo because i am not a wacko or a weirdo! I have never been to jail! I have no criminal record. I find you to be very attractive and i am a very spontaneous energetic adventurous person as well... Write me back and tell me what you think and what i should do ok... I hope i didn't offend you in anyway shape or form... I could send you some really good pictures of myself so you can see that i am not ugly and fat and not to mention i could clear the snow for you everyday and make you breakfast in bed with hot tea! By the way my name is Jerry in case you had no idea what it was... I can't wait to hear back from you! Plus i love animals and im very good with children and i have belief in God. Ok hun until i hear back from you... I hope your having fun and not working to hard!
Yours Truly, *his name* the Great
lol i am 36 not 106 your not that much younger than me....
i have a man not interested....
have a blessed life
His response again:
Im sorry... You lose... Please discontinue contact... Thanks for playing but due to your poor answer... You Lose... Have a fabulous life.
lol have a blessed life dear....
His last response:
Indeed The blessings shall surpass any unpaved paths to so called success...
No matter, Any blessing can only be chosen and placed upon by God.
Now i must admit i should not have replied the 2nd time but i could not resisit....
Now you are mad because i am in a relationship and i have no desire to have you live off of me while you look for a gig at a fast food joint.... lol but i loose....and discontinue contact.... you emailed me first.... thats what made me mail him again lol
Really did he expect to find me with open arms to just say yes dude i have never met in life move in with me and i will take care of you while you look for a job at a fast food place.... please move in with me and i will support the both of us....Yes i am a fat chick so i am so hard up for male attention i will take any any every loose off the street taht half way pays me a compliment lol
Or maybe he was off his meds today
IDK..... he can kick rocks and blow bubble...that was too freaking funny